the loneliness of home

14 Aug

[a post i wrote back in june but got around to finishing today]

all is quiet in this big old house again. the stifling stillness and the empty spaces are enough to make me want to put my hands on my face and just let out a good ole’ cry. and bemoan about it on my blog.

just a week ago, the house was filled with the lovely sounds and sights of family chaos. if you’re from a sort-of-big family like i am—4 siblings and a niece (a recent addition to the family) to boot, plus extended family, then anything but a noise- and chatter-filled home is your run-of-the-mill day. all that changed when my mom passed away, me and my siblings got older, and life happened. the siblings moved out for one reason or another till it was just me, my dad, our yaya, and our 7 dogs. i can’t imagine what the house is like on weekdays when i’m at the office. how deathly quiet it must be here, with only the occasional dog barks and accompanying buzz of the tv to keep my dad company. at night, it’s the same scenario. that’s probably why i usually go home late. to avoid all this. weekends are worse, especially when my siblings don’t come over for a visit. that’s why for that one week my brother and his wife came back from singapore for a one-week visit, my heart was overjoyed. finally . . .  some life and noise in our house again.

it’s really both heartwarming and heartbreaking to know that nothing but family is able to replace the emptiness of home.

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