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musings on weddings, marriage, and ever after

30 Jun

i just looked at the calendar and counted. exactly 46 days until i become a missus, have a new last name, and spend the rest of my life with the man i love. wow. as i sit in my bed typing this, it still doesn’t sink in. i can’t summon a mental image of 46 days from now or imagine the emotions that will come rushing. but right now, i can tell you exactly how i feel: excitement, joy, anticipation mixed in with a whole lot of anxiety, stress, and worry. anybody will tell you those feelings don’t mix well together. and the roller-coaster changes—up, down, up down, down, up—they aren’t good for my stomach.

okay, so when you think about getting married, yes, you can sort of imagine just how stressful it might be. but let me tell you something. the actual experience is something else altogether. nerve-racking is a word that comes to mind right now. i mean, of course, it’s definitely an exciting and thrilling time, but when you’re a perfectionist like me who wants to get every little detail sorted out working with a specific budget and without a wedding coordinator, it can get . . . interesting.

but then you’ll ask me, “if you’re so busy, how come you have time to blog?” because i’ll go insane if i don’t find a way to vent out and shake off my anxieties. my friends (who have bore the brunt of my nervousness) will tell you just how high-strung i can get these days, haha. besides, there is that little part of me that likes to pretend all is in order and that i have all the time in the world to do what i want. you know when you have a lot to do, but the realization of just how much effort it will take to accomplish them is enough to make you cry and you just want to keep postponing them while knowing at the same time you will pay for it? yep, that’s me right now.

it’s gotten to a point where i know i should just take a breath, quiet my mind, and say a prayer. but i haven’t found or made the time. maybe after this post, i will. sometimes, i get so lost and absorbed with controlling things, i forget that ultimately, He is in control and He is with me in this time of excitement and worry.

i just did a quick read-through this post, and i can tell i am just rambling. i really doubt anything i’ve just written is coherent. oh well. there’s time to edit it the next time i feel the need to “escape.”

so i guess that will be tomorrow then. 😉

g’nyt, world!


I’m back—again.

27 Mar

Wow, it’s literally been a year since I’ve even opened my blog. So much for my 2015 goal of getting back to blogging. But, but, but . . .  so much has happened.

I’ve got too many stories and rants and raves backlogged in this brain of mine, itching to be told: a trip to Thailand two years ago that was just mind-blowing awesome, an unexpected travel to HK for work [first time to travel alone—ever!], and uhmm . . . hhmm . . . wait, let me see. What was that last bit? Oh yeah, I’m getting married in four months !!! [I am not a believer in multiple punctuation, but this occasion sure merits it.]

Busy does not even begin to describe the state I’m in now, especially since for the most part, we’re doing things ourselves and just getting a wedding coordinator for the day itself. [Big side note: why have none of my married friends ever told me just how expensive it is to get married these days? Jeez. No wonder many opt to go the civil route instead.]

I am somehow forcing myself to squeeze in the time to hastily post this entry in between watching CSI and writing and checking and double-checking our mile-long wedding to-do list. Why? Because I really do miss my blog and exercising those writing muscles. Fingers crossed, I’ll get back into the hang of things [including my #100daysofgratitude project, argghh!], and this little space will once again be filled with my random musings on a more frequent basis.


Last I checked, I was on Day 3 of my #100daysofgratitude project. I will attempt to resume with Day 4 in a separate post [small victories, as they say]


epiphanies and more on a jeepney ride

5 Feb

watch the drama unfold on a jeepney ride on a regular friday night:

the woman sitting across me staring out at the road, fiddling with her cell phone.

the teenager who’s leaning on the side of the entrance, happily beating the drumbeat to a justin bieber song as he sings
“yeah, yeah, yeah, i wanna see you tonight.”

the mother trying her best to hold on to her wares while dealing with her fussy child sitting on her lap.

the guy who probably works in an office, nodding his head to the beat of whatever music is playing through his earphones.

the lovers, fingers entertwined, exchanging a look only they can decipher.

and a girl clutching her bag tightly to her chest, surreptitiously looking to her left and right—imagining, wondering:
what kind of lives do these people live outside the confines of this rusting metal vehicle?

as she alights, those musings are whisked away with a honk-honk as the jeepney speeds away.


why michael buble equals awesomeness (seriously!)

12 Sep

googly eyes

excuse me—and please indulge me—while i give in to my very rare fan girl moments. while a part of me is just a little embarrassed to admit that i do have these moments, another part is saying, ‘ahh, why bother repressing it?’

when it comes to music, i can pretty much say that i have eclectic tastes. i’ll listen to anything as long as it has a decent beat. (and that’s why i am physically unable to appreciate heavy metal, though that’s another blog altogether.) but one of the musical styles close to my heart is the classics. and by that i mean forties’, fifties’, and sixties’ classics sung by greats like frank sinatra, tony bennett, and dean martin. oh what voices. voices that transported you to another place altogether when you heard them. the voice of a man’s man that makes your skin tingle, one you could listen to over and over again. what i wouldn’t give to have been born decades ago and have the chance to listen to them sing live. that must have been something else.

it all started yesterday when i took a cab to work. the taxi driver had the radio on when i heard a really, really good duet cover of the song how deep is your love by the bee gees. now, i love, love, love the bee gees. i think they’re awesome. but this version was really good too. i couldn’t recognize the woman’s voice, but there was no mistaking the guy.

i came across michael bublé’s music many years ago, back when he was just getting started, about ten or eleven years ago. his music stood out in the sea of boy-slash-girl-band music that was popular at that time.

i don’t know what it is about his voice, but as a friend of mine describes it, the way he sings comes across as natural as breathing to him, so . . . effortless. pair that with a rich but playful-sounding baritone voice—well, he had me with his rendition of the way you look tonight. *deep sigh*

i just have to say it again: what a voice. if i close my eyes right now and listen to him sing, this is where i imagine myself to be: sitting in a dark, seedy-looking, underground bar with people huddled close to each other, their cigarette smoke almost suffocating in the cramped space. the spotlight’s on a guy with a fedora hat on, crooning through an old-fashioned standing mic while another guy plays the bass, a sax, or a violin in the background. that is where his music takes me.

the  sad thing is, i have yet to see this guy in a live concert. and if the concerts i’ve seen online are anything to go by, he’s an awesome performer. to my utter disappointment, he doesn’t have any scheduled in my country this year. or the next. (boo!)

oh well, i guess i’ll just have to make do with those online videos for now:p

PS. the draft of this post was originally longer . . . and a very long-winded homage/rhapsody that kinda freaked me out when i reread it. (it was bordering on the “i’m-the-biggest-fan-he-is-so-awesome-marry-me” territory, haha.). what you’re reading is a much, much tamer version, if you can believe it.

the melody of poetry

15 Aug

a good friend recently sent me a link to a huffington post article featuring a video of a man with OCD who was sharing a poem he wrote about falling in love. (wow, that was a mouthful!) the skeptic in me initially thought it was probably your run of the mill declaration of passion and was considering skipping it, but i was wrong. so very wrong. and i am glad i stuck to that page and watched the video. because it was beyond words.

rarely do i get to appreciate poetry because a lot of times, i think it’s way beyond the creative level i’m at. poets (and my boyfriend is one of them*) just seem to live on a totally different world. i truly think it’s amazing how manage to somehow string words together to perfectly while sometimes managing to break and defy all grammatical and punctuation rules in the world. i love the aesthetics of a written poem. seeing how a poet carefully (or perhaps without too much thought) decides to end a line with a specific word and position the next one onto the second line and so on and so forth. and how perfect and beautifully arranged  it all looks. who knew words could look like that? and when the aesthetic and the message of the poem fit so well together like the art that is ee cummings’s poems—just, wow.

in any case, here is the video of neil hilborn’s “OCD.” this tugged at my heart and made me cry. i hope you like it too.

*should you be interested in reading his blog of poems and such, visit it here.

the loneliness of home

14 Aug

[a post i wrote back in june but got around to finishing today]

all is quiet in this big old house again. the stifling stillness and the empty spaces are enough to make me want to put my hands on my face and just let out a good ole’ cry. and bemoan about it on my blog.

just a week ago, the house was filled with the lovely sounds and sights of family chaos. if you’re from a sort-of-big family like i am—4 siblings and a niece (a recent addition to the family) to boot, plus extended family, then anything but a noise- and chatter-filled home is your run-of-the-mill day. all that changed when my mom passed away, me and my siblings got older, and life happened. the siblings moved out for one reason or another till it was just me, my dad, our yaya, and our 7 dogs. i can’t imagine what the house is like on weekdays when i’m at the office. how deathly quiet it must be here, with only the occasional dog barks and accompanying buzz of the tv to keep my dad company. at night, it’s the same scenario. that’s probably why i usually go home late. to avoid all this. weekends are worse, especially when my siblings don’t come over for a visit. that’s why for that one week my brother and his wife came back from singapore for a one-week visit, my heart was overjoyed. finally . . .  some life and noise in our house again.

it’s really both heartwarming and heartbreaking to know that nothing but family is able to replace the emptiness of home.

oh, hello there: the return of the comeback

14 Aug

hiatus. that seems to be a word that comes up a lot in relation to my blog.

hello again, old friend. what a joy it is to be able to hear the clickety-clack (or is it tappity-tap) of the keyboard as i write this post. how . . . familiar and cathartic. whenever i remember that i actually do have a blog, i always find myself rationalizing why i am not able to write or post anything. not that i feel obligated to, but when i started this, i told myself this was one of the methods i’d employ to fine-tune and hone my writing skills. so much for that considering i find myself writing less and less this year. there’s always work, family, life, my tv series addiction, blah-blah-blah. excuses.

to be honest, my interest in updating my blog comes in bursts of creative inspiration that catches me unawares more often than not. i’m usually in places where i do not have access to a computer or laptop when the itch to write comes over me. i usually have what i think is a wild idea i would love to write about and i struggle to keep those thoughts (and especially the fancy and the what i think are perfect words to use) in my mind till i get my hands on anything to write on.  but by then my train of thoughts have lost steam, always to my dismay. and that’s mainly the reason i have about 4 or 5 posts sitting in the drafts folder right now. hahaha, to my credit, i just finished one, which i’ll post after this 😀 in fact, i am excited to blog about many other things soon, especially a one-week trip to thailand for my birthday.

weeeh! and so the comeback begins.