musings on weddings, marriage, and ever after

i just looked at the calendar and counted. exactly 46 days until i become a missus, have a new last name, and spend the rest of my life with the man i love. wow. as i sit in my bed typing this, it still doesn’t sink in. i can’t summon a mental image of 46 days from now or imagine the emotions that will come rushing. but right now, i can tell you exactly how i feel: excitement, joy, anticipation mixed in with a whole lot of anxiety, stress, and worry. anybody will tell you those feelings don’t mix well together. and the roller-coaster changes—up, down, up down, down, up—they aren’t good for my stomach.

okay, so when you think about getting married, yes, you can sort of imagine just how stressful it might be. but let me tell you something. the actual experience is something else altogether. nerve-racking is a word that comes to mind right now. i mean, of course, it’s definitely an exciting and thrilling time, but when you’re a perfectionist like me who wants to get every little detail sorted out working with a specific budget and without a wedding coordinator, it can get . . . interesting.

but then you’ll ask me, “if you’re so busy, how come you have time to blog?” because i’ll go insane if i don’t find a way to vent out and shake off my anxieties. my friends (who have bore the brunt of my nervousness) will tell you just how high-strung i can get these days, haha. besides, there is that little part of me that likes to pretend all is in order and that i have all the time in the world to do what i want. you know when you have a lot to do, but the realization of just how much effort it will take to accomplish them is enough to make you cry and you just want to keep postponing them while knowing at the same time you will pay for it? yep, that’s me right now.

it’s gotten to a point where i know i should just take a breath, quiet my mind, and say a prayer. but i haven’t found or made the time. maybe after this post, i will. sometimes, i get so lost and absorbed with controlling things, i forget that ultimately, He is in control and He is with me in this time of excitement and worry.

i just did a quick read-through this post, and i can tell i am just rambling. i really doubt anything i’ve just written is coherent. oh well. there’s time to edit it the next time i feel the need to “escape.”

so i guess that will be tomorrow then. 😉

g’nyt, world!

today, i am grateful for . . . (day 6)

Image from www. imgarcade.com

we believe in practical compassion.

those are the first spoken words in the “shoe that grows” video. hearing them really struck a chord with me—don’t they with you?

the fact of the matter is, these days, it’s very easy to write an article or share a post about the indignities suffered by the poor all around the world (heck, even i am guilty of that.) we rant and rave about it on social media, and somehow, in its own way, it assuages the guilt we feel for not being able to do anything about it. this is how i do my part seems to be the mind-set. now, i’m not saying writing about these issues isn’t important. they are because yes, we need to be reminded and remind each other of them constantly. but sometimes, i can’t help but feel like we talk and talk and talk—and do nothing.

and that’s why the idea of the shoe that grows really just made me go, wow! these people went beyond seeing and talking about the problem to actually really thinking long and hard about how to address it in a very practical way. to be honest, i’m actually just a little envious of whoever said, “okay, let’s sit down and find a solution to this.”how exciting that must have been.

today, we tout innovations that allow us to “experience” movies or “wear” computers, but its innovations like this that should be getting attention. imagine the practicality and feasibility of having one pair of shoes you are sure you could fit into for the next 4 or  5 years: an extendable shoe! that may seem like something not worth singing praises over for those of us who take having footwear for granted, but for children who walk to school under the scorching sun or people who get around barefoot through the rain and muddy, filthy streets, it is something.

it really is heartening to know that enough people have seen this need and have supported this endeavor. it gives me so much hope that there are people who have a mind-set that sees innovations in this way: going beyond thinking of ways to make our lives easier (or put in another way, make us lazier) and actually considering applications that can address real-life issues and concerns.

i’m sure there are many others who have come up with brilliant ideas like this. i can’t wait to hear about the next one.

P.S.

If you want to learn more about the organization and how you can support it, visit https://theshoethatgrows.org.

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#100daysofgratitude

1.i am grateful for the capacity to express myself through the “printed” word and the freedom to do so.

2. i am grateful for sweet summer rainshowers that lift up the soul and energize the spirit.

3. i thank God for the gift of nephews and nieces who remind me that joy can be found even in the simplest of things.

4. i am thankful for a God of second and third and fourth chances: after so long and after so many wrong turns, i have found the one i want to spend the rest of my life with—a kind, generous, funny man with a good heart.

5. thank God for wonderfully supportive, talented, creative, gracious friends with big hearts.

6. i am thankful for people who inspire me to do and not just think, who help me realize that i can always contribute in some way.

today, i am grateful for . . . (day 5)

my boyfriend and me (or is it i?) with our photographer friend headed to our first shoot for the day 🙂

happy easter!

just came back from a two-day trip to bohol, one of the more beautiful islands here in the philippines, where we had our engagement photos  taken [pre-nups, they’re called here]. i am quite sun-burnt, and my shoulders, face, and back are slightly sore from spending too much (?) time under the sun. summers are especially harsh here, which makes the beach the perfect place to be, though amount of sunblock will keep you pain-free if you love to swim and spend your day in the sea as much as i do.

anyway, a friend who is a wedding photographer AND happened to be here in the country this month offered to do the photos, and we had such a good time. my soon-to-be husband and i are quite self-conscious people [translation: we aren’t particularly fond of “staged” photos], and we were just a little bit anxious about it. though it was a little awkward at times, overall, it was a lot of fun and laughter, especially because we had other friends who joined us on this trip for, ahem, moral support (most likely they just wanted an excuse to go on a quick vacation :D).

this trip also allowed us to visit the area where our photographer friend had set up a nonprofit organization that provides long-term help to a community of sea dwellers known locally as badjaos. a sea tribe that dates back to 500 AD, you can find them living in houses built over the water in the island of panglao. they fish for a living, but rising populations have depleted their main source of livelihood, forcing them to live in abject poverty and resort to begging in the streets.

called the badjao bridge, the organization offers the community a holistic program that gets their children to school, provides them with nutritious meals and basic healthcare, teaches adults sustainable livelihood options, and lets them experience the love of jesus.

sadly, we were running late for our boat back to cebu, so we only got to spend about 20 minutes there. but in that short span of time, we got to see the many, many children that they were trying to reach out to and help.

on a side note, navigating through the houses on stilts was quite the task since getting around meant stepping on two or three thin wobbly planks made of wood or bamboo. one wrong move and splat! down the slightly murky water you go.

their chieftain was gracious enough to take us on his bangka (a small motorized boat) to the pier right across where our boat was docked. that was definitely a first. in the many times i have been to bohol, i’ve never tried getting around on a badjao boat. we had a very quick but hearty lunch then (where we came across some badjao children who were begging), and then off to the boat we went, barely making it in time for it to leave.

though it was a quick adventure, it was most definitely one for the books.

P.S. if you want to learn more about badjao bridge, visit www.badjaobridge.org. for only $20 ( php 800) a month, you can send a child to school and influence the course of their future. there are also other ways you can help; just visit the site for more information.

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#100daysofgratitude

1.i am grateful for the capacity to express myself through the “printed” word and the freedom to do so.

2. i am grateful for sweet summer rainshowers that lift up the soul and energize the spirit.

3. i thank God for the gift of nephews and nieces who remind me that joy can be found even in the simplest of things.

4. i am thankful for a God of second and third and fourth chances: after so long and after so many wrong turns, i have found the one i want to spend the rest of my life with—a kind, generous, funny man with a good heart.

5. thank God for wonderfully supportive, talented, creative, gracious friends with big hearts.

today, i am grateful for . . . (day 4 of a new year)

i have taken the day off from work today. as i sit here on the kitchen table making plans and checklists for my upcoming wedding, i reminisce about how it all started: how some seemingly random event (me switching cell phone numbers and texting all my friends and acquaintances informing them of the number change) could have led up to all this. God is sometimes funny (and wonderful) like that 🙂

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#100daysofgratitude

1.i am grateful for the capacity to express myself through the “printed” word and the freedom to do so.

2. i am grateful for sweet summer rainshowers that lift up the soul and energize the spirit.

3. i thank God for the gift of nephews and nieces who remind me that joy can be found even in the simplest of things.

4. i am thankful for a God of second and third and fourth chances: after so long and after so many wrong turns, i have found the one i want to spend the rest of my life with—a kind, generous, funny man with a good heart.

I’m back—again.

Wow, it’s literally been a year since I’ve even opened my blog. So much for my 2015 goal of getting back to blogging. But, but, but . . .  so much has happened.

I’ve got too many stories and rants and raves backlogged in this brain of mine, itching to be told: a trip to Thailand two years ago that was just mind-blowing awesome, an unexpected travel to HK for work [first time to travel alone—ever!], and uhmm . . . hhmm . . . wait, let me see. What was that last bit? Oh yeah, I’m getting married in four months !!! [I am not a believer in multiple punctuation, but this occasion sure merits it.]

Busy does not even begin to describe the state I’m in now, especially since for the most part, we’re doing things ourselves and just getting a wedding coordinator for the day itself. [Big side note: why have none of my married friends ever told me just how expensive it is to get married these days? Jeez. No wonder many opt to go the civil route instead.]

I am somehow forcing myself to squeeze in the time to hastily post this entry in between watching CSI and writing and checking and double-checking our mile-long wedding to-do list. Why? Because I really do miss my blog and exercising those writing muscles. Fingers crossed, I’ll get back into the hang of things [including my #100daysofgratitude project, argghh!], and this little space will once again be filled with my random musings on a more frequent basis.

P.S.

Last I checked, I was on Day 3 of my #100daysofgratitude project. I will attempt to resume with Day 4 in a separate post [small victories, as they say]

 

today, i am grateful for . . . (day 3)

I groggily woke up this morning to cooing sounds emanating from the right side of my bed. for a minute, i was at a loss trying to figure out who—or what—was making that noise. when i realized who the source was, i smiled as i yawned and opened my eyes. i was right!

standing beside my bed was the nanny holding on to my cutie-patootie, chubbycheeks nephew. he giggled in that pleasing sort of way only babies can (like someone had told him THE funniest joke in the world) as the nanny handed him off to me. he looked at me inquisitively and then broke out one of those contented smiles that makes me believe that all is well in the world.

i breathed in and out deeply and grinned. oh babies 🙂

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#100daysofgratitude

1.i am grateful for the capacity to express myself through the “printed” word and the freedom to do so.

2. i am grateful for sweet summer rainshowers that lift up the soul and energize the spirit.

3. i thank God for the gift of nephews and nieces who remind me that joy can be found even in the simplest of things.

today, i am grateful for . . . (day 2)

my gratitude project is off to an early today. as i type these words, i’m lying comfortably in bed, a thick blanket twisted around my legs as i enjoy the soothing, melodic pitter-patter of the rain.

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#100daysofgratitude

1.i am grateful for the capacity to express myself through the “printed” word and the freedom to do so.

2. i am grateful for sweet summer rainshowers that lift up the soul and energize the spirit.

today, I am grateful for . . . (day 1)

image from http://www.emergingwoman.com

i have recently noticed a lot of people in facebook posting pictures with the hashtag #100daysofhappiness. out of curiousity, i asked a friend what it was all about. apparently, it’s a challenge for people to find things that make them happy every day for 100 days. according to her, the challenge was a tough one because only a very few are able to actually last throughout it. my initial reaction was, “how difficult can it be to find something that makes you happy?”

fast forward an hour later, and i realized that yes, it can be difficult to do it. why? because we live in a possession-obsessed world that constantly clamors for us to own the next “it” thing—whether it means getting the latest high-end gadget, a revolutionary beauty fix, or even getting your child into the most exclusive and renowned school in the planet. we are made to think there is something fundamentally lacking in our lives until we possess whatever is being flaunted at us. contentment has become an obsolete word, and over time, our concept of happiness seems like an unattainable goal. which is exactly why the project is a worthwhile one.

i was inspired to undertake a similar project, but i wanted mine to be about 100 days of gratitude. a friend’s used the phrase “attitude of gratitude” in a recent post related to the happiness project, and it really struck me. i am at a point in my life where i need to make a conscious effort to remember the many things i am thankful for but take for granted. so i endeavor to keep this in mind for the next 100 days.

this couldn’t have come at a better time. life in its humdrum (and the seeming futility of it all) has gotten me down the past few weeks or so, so i am hopeful this will remind me that life can still pleasantly surprise you and that there is still so much more to look forward to.

so to get to it, i would like to start off with what i am grateful for today.

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#100daysofgratitude

1.i am grateful for the capacity to express myself through the “printed” word and the freedom to do so.

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see you tomorrow!

epiphanies and more on a jeepney ride

Picture from http://www.flickr.com/photos/allansoul/4888635956/

watch the drama unfold on a jeepney ride on a regular friday night:

the woman sitting across me staring out at the road, fiddling with her cell phone.

the teenager who’s leaning on the side of the entrance, happily beating the drumbeat to a justin bieber song as he sings
“yeah, yeah, yeah, i wanna see you tonight.”

the mother trying her best to hold on to her wares while dealing with her fussy child sitting on her lap.

the guy who probably works in an office, nodding his head to the beat of whatever music is playing through his earphones.

the lovers, fingers entertwined, exchanging a look only they can decipher.

and a girl clutching her bag tightly to her chest, surreptitiously looking to her left and right—imagining, wondering:
what kind of lives do these people live outside the confines of this rusting metal vehicle?

as she alights, those musings are whisked away with a honk-honk as the jeepney speeds away.

2.05.2014

why michael buble equals awesomeness (seriously!)

excuse me—and please indulge me—while i give in to my very rare fan girl moments. while a part of me is just a little embarrassed to admit that i do have these moments, another part is saying, ‘ahh, why bother repressing it?’

when it comes to music, i can pretty much say that i have eclectic tastes. i’ll listen to anything as long as it has a decent beat. (and that’s why i am physically unable to appreciate heavy metal, though that’s another blog altogether.) but one of the musical styles close to my heart is the classics. and by that i mean forties’, fifties’, and sixties’ classics sung by greats like frank sinatra, tony bennett, and dean martin. oh what voices. voices that transported you to another place altogether when you heard them. the voice of a man’s man that makes your skin tingle, one you could listen to over and over again. what i wouldn’t give to have been born decades ago and have the chance to listen to them sing live. that must have been something else.

it all started yesterday when i took a cab to work. the taxi driver had the radio on when i heard a really, really good duet cover of the song how deep is your love by the bee gees. now, i love, love, love the bee gees. i think they’re awesome. but this version was really good too. i couldn’t recognize the woman’s voice, but there was no mistaking the guy.

i came across michael bublé’s music many years ago, back when he was just getting started, about ten or eleven years ago. his music stood out in the sea of boy-slash-girl-band music that was popular at that time.

i don’t know what it is about his voice, but as a friend of mine describes it, the way he sings comes across as natural as breathing to him, so . . . effortless. pair that with a rich but playful-sounding baritone voice—well, he had me with his rendition of the way you look tonight. *deep sigh*

i just have to say it again: what a voice. if i close my eyes right now and listen to him sing, this is where i imagine myself to be: sitting in a dark, seedy-looking, underground bar with people huddled close to each other, their cigarette smoke almost suffocating in the cramped space. the spotlight’s on a guy with a fedora hat on, crooning through an old-fashioned standing mic while another guy plays the bass, a sax, or a violin in the background. that is where his music takes me.

the  sad thing is, i have yet to see this guy in a live concert. and if the concerts i’ve seen online are anything to go by, he’s an awesome performer. to my utter disappointment, he doesn’t have any scheduled in my country this year. or the next. (boo!)

oh well, i guess i’ll just have to make do with those online videos for now:p

PS. the draft of this post was originally longer . . . and a very long-winded homage/rhapsody that kinda freaked me out when i reread it. (it was bordering on the “i’m-the-biggest-fan-he-is-so-awesome-marry-me” territory, haha.). what you’re reading is a much, much tamer version, if you can believe it.